


Pick Your Battles

by tacoandmango



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Gen, Non-Sexual Age Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21822421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacoandmango/pseuds/tacoandmango
Summary: Magnus puts his foot down. Taako does the time for the crime. Merle reads about celebrities who are just like us.
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides & Merle Highchurch & Taako
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Pick Your Battles

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Heavily based on mcschuggles' The Regression Zone fics. Very tempted to make a series called 'The The Regression Zone Zone' but I have something resembling pride left. 
> 
> The plot is non existant but I just wanted to write Taako being a little demon boy and sort of get a grip on how to write these clowns.

As much as Merle appreciates his chaotic life and his stupid idiot friends, despite his refusal to admit that, he's never taken a moment of relaxation for granted. 

It's rare to have a day where Merle, Magnus and Taako genuinely don't have anything to do. No retrieving grand relics, no training, no required ethics seminars. Who knew the Bureau of Balance had an HR department that was so dead set on their employees not stealing valuables from each other? Magnus steals one violin from Johann and there goes their afternoon. 

Merle's train of thought might be getting off track, considering there's no one else in their Beaureu of Balance dorm making dick jokes to distract him. 

Well, when one or both of them regress, there’s a lot less dick jokes but a lot more distractions, and it just so happens Taako woke up feeling particularly little this morning.

Magnus and Taako had been gone for about an hour now, not before an additional thirty minutes of Taako trying on different outfits as if they were going to the opera instead of a walk around the base. The rugrat always was a fan of dress-up, but promises from Magnus of getting to see Avi or Carey, who almost always have treats for him, sure did speed up what was usually an hour long process.

Merle, while he enjoyed his time with regressed Taako, had gotten a good dose of sleepy Taako cuddles in earlier that morning. That, and waddling all the way to the moon base campus on one of their rare days off didn’t sound ideal. 

He made an excuse about catching up on some reading, and that technically wasn’t a lie, if the stack of magazines and trashy tabloids next to him are any indication. The Intergalactic TV Guide has the best articles, in his opinion.

Merle flips the page, and accidently says out loud, “That is not her color.”

A faint echo of ‘no no no no no!’ can be heard outside, approaching closer and closer. Merle knows that it’s not a sign of danger, but definitely a sign of trouble. Not for him, but for a certain little elf.

One day of peace isn’t too much to ask, is it? Apparently so. Well, pictures of celebrities riding the subway and buying tampons at Fantasy CVS (they're just like us!) were going to start getting boring soon anyway. 

The front door to their shared living space swings open and Merle doesn’t even look up from his magazine as he asks, “What’d he do this time?”

As Merle mourns the peace and quiet he was thoroughly enjoying mere seconds ago, Magnus sets Taako onto his feet and gives him a pointed look. “Taako? Do you want to tell Merle why you’re in trouble?”

Being the stubborn fool that he is, Taako crosses his arms, turns his head away, and lets out the brattiest “Hmph!” that he can without becoming a complete caricature.

Magnus warningly scolds, “Taako William Taaco…”

Taako turns back to him, but only to say, “Not my middle name,” before immediately whipping his head back around.

“You really need to learn to pick your battles,” Merle tells Magnus, trying not to look too smug when he gets a glare in response. “It’ll make everyone’s lives easier.”

Magnus shoots a glance at a still petulant Taako and chooses to tell Merle himself, of his own good will. Not because he was admitting defeat or anything. “Taako and Avi were playing tag and Taako was it. He used his umbra staff to hook around Avi’s ankle and tripped him.” 

“...That’s all?”

“What do you mean ‘that’s all’?” Taako tries to take the opportunity to sneak off but Magnus doesn’t even have to look away from Merle as he grabs the back of Taako’s cloak. The last thing Taako’s willing to risk is ripping his dope-ass cloak, so he’s not going anywhere.

With a shrug, Merle replies, “Nobody got hurt.”

“Avi did get hurt. His head hit a rock.”

“... Nobody important got hurt.”

Taako chooses that moment to finally join the discussion. “It was a small rock. He wasn’t bleedin’ or anything.”

It’s pretty clear that Taako isn’t going down without a fight, but unfortunately for him, Magnus has never shied away from confrontation. “That’s not the point and you know it, mister. We don’t try to hurt our friends. You need to take a time out and think about what you did.” 

Is the rising color to Taako’s cheeks due to sheepishness from being disciplined or anger from not getting his way? It’s hard to tell sometimes, but it’s usually both.

Taako casts a desperate look at Merle. Surely he’s on his little buddy’s side, right? How could he not be?

The pouty puppy dog face doesn’t get by Merle, but luckily he has proficiency in not getting duped by this little twerp… for the most part.

Merle holds his hands up and shakes his head. “Hey, you know how this works, bud. Magnus was the one in charge. If he thinks you need a time out, I’m not gonna stop him.”

“Meeeerllle!”

Magnus takes the opportunity while Taako is distracted to scoop Taako up under his armpits and carry him over to the corner. Taako whines and feebly kicks his legs in front of him, not in an attempt to hurt Magnus, but just to kick up a fuss. 

When he places Taako on his feet again, Magnus lets out a sigh. Taako seems particularly determined today, and he’s starting to wonder if it’s worth the effort. He’s willing to let a lot slide but he couldn't let hurting innocent people slide, even if it wasn't entirely ill-willed. 

Taako leans against the wall, arms crossed indignantly. Magnus offers Chester, his stuffed bugbear to him, which Taako snatches up as if Magnus is going to change his mind and somehow chuck it out into the depths of outer space. 

With a pout, Taako clutches the toy to his tummy. He doesn't look any happier but both his caregivers know deep down he always appreciates the gesture. 

Magnus looks over his shoulder and asks, "Can you set a timer for eight minutes?"

Merle gives a thumbs up and sets the fantasy egg timer they keep on the side table for this very purpose for seven minutes as a small act of rebellion.

It’s well known to his caregivers at this point that Taako likes causing mischief and, even if he hates the consequences of said mischief, what he really craves is a strong but loving force to ground him, to assure him that even if he fucks up (not that Taako is supposed to say that when he’s regressed) there’s someone there for him no matter what. Magnus thinks he’s got the firmness that Taako needs covered, but some reassurance couldn’t hurt. Anything to get that sulky look off the boy’s face.

“You know I’m not doing this to be mean, right?”

Taako hesitates, still doesn’t look him in the eye, but he eventually nods. 

“I know you were just playing, and Avi’s okay, but he could have been hurt a lot worse. All you have to do is stay here for a few minutes and think about what you did and what you could do differently next time, okay?”

Next time he could do it to Magnus, that would be something different. However, Taako’s not out here trying to get a longer time-out, so he tightens his lips and nods, trying to present himself as the perfect little bean he (occasionally) is.

Magnus gives him a soft little smile, pecks his forehead, and goes to grab something from his room, not before asking Merle to keep an eye on their little troublemaker.

Taako slumps down the wall and plops onto his butt with a dramatic huff. He pulls his knees near his chest, as much as he can with Chester still in a death grip. 

This article on Scott Bakula can wait. Magnus got his say in, Merle might as well put his two cents in.

After a quick waddle over to the designated time out corner, Merle hunkers down to take a seat next to Taako, Intergalactic TV Guide still rolled up in his hand. “Magnus isn’t mad at you.”

That gets a soft, “I know,” from Taako.

“I’m not mad at you, either, if that wasn’t obvious.”

Taako echoes his “I know,” and this time Merle manages to get the tiniest smile out of him. 

“Grown ups just have to make sure rugrats like you don’t go around killing people.” Merle shrugs. “Theft, magical manipulation, a little bit of arson? We can let that kind of stuff slide.” That earns him another little smile from Taako, so he hates having to Get Serious for a second. “You know you shouldn’t have done that to Avi, right?”

In a rare moment of self-awareness, Taako signs and nods his head. He almost looks sheepish.

“Do you understand why you shouldn’t have done that?”

The tips of Taako’s ears turn pink. Merle is very rarely stern, so hearing that tone always makes Taako feel about two feet tall. “Wasn’t nice. Prob’ly hurt Avi’s feelings. And his face.”

“Did you tell Avi you were sorry?”

Taako nods.

“Did you mean it?”

Taako hesitates before he shakes his head no. 

Merle sighs. “Well, I can’t fault you for telling the truth. Was it at least funny?”

Taako grins and nods again.

Despite his better judgement, Merle lets out a hearty chuckle. What a little shit. “Eh, sounds like you learned your lesson to me.”

Merle isn’t particularly known for being strict, though he’s definitely given his fair share of time outs. Taako seems to understand that he did something wrong, and that was good enough in his books. Magnus is less likely to budge when he sets his mind on something, but they both know he eventually could.

“Try telling Maggie that,” Taako sighs. He draws little circles in the plush carpet with the tip of his finger, brows drawn.

Merle knows that look. “Hey now, don’t even try to pull any funny business-”

“Bu-But-!” Merle slaps a hand before Taako can finish interrupting him.

“I was going to say, ‘without me’, but if you want to interrupt, you must really want to stay here, huh?”

Deep down, Taako knows Merle is kidding, but he frantically shakes his head anyway. Merle smirks and removes his hand before Taako licks it to get his hand off of him. Merle unfortunately knows that he'll resort to that from experience. 

“Good boy. Now, I have a few ideas that might work. Let’s start with Plan Alpha…”

//

Carving away another chunk of redwood from his creation, Magnus tries his best not to look at Taako too often from his spot on the couch. He’s able to see out of the corner of his eye to make sure there’s no stealth rolls going on, but for the most part, he and Merle do their own thing while Taako stews in the corner.

When Taako acts out, it’s usually for attention. Good or bad, it’s his main goal while in headspace. And out of headspace. But still, it’s different when he’s little. While Magnus is usually more than happy to give it to him, he’s not going to let Taako physically hurt people to get his way. 

Merle, now devoted to the holy scripture that is the Interdimensional Inquirer, continues to mind his own business over in his arm chair and pretend like he doesn’t know Taako is going to pull some bullshit any minute. 

Across the living room, Taako has not exactly been an obedient prisoner. He has wiggled and squirmed and whined plenty, so he’s probably already crushed his chances of being let off early for good behavior.

Taako’s no stranger to time outs. When he’s regressed, he gets particularly mischievous and Merle and Magnus, unlike with Big Taako, have his permission to actually do something about it when he acts like an asshole. Kind of dumb of him to give them that authority, in hindsight.

Despite his history with this particular corner of their living room, Taako is almost positive he has never had a time out this long. Maybe the fantasy egg timer was broken? What if he never got out?

Taako adds a tally mark in pink sidewalk chalk onto the wall adjacent from where he’s slumped, blending into the dozens he’s added during his punishment. 

He can’t remember his last meal. The last time he felt the wind in his hair, the sun on his face. Surely he’ll wither away into nothing, a husk of his former adorable self. They’ll write songs about his heroic and unjust sentence.

Taako glances at Chester, who lays face down on the carpet, the ultimate display of defeat. There’s no way they haven’t been there for hours. Maybe even days. 

"How long has it been?" Taako asks, bordering on a whine. 

Magnus doesn't even look up from his carving as he says, "Two and a half minutes."

Taako dramatically huffs and slumps back against the wall, not before adding another tally mark to the opposite wall. 

Magnus glances up for a second, and does a double take at the chalked up walls. "Where'd you get chalk?"

The wizard hides the sidewalk chalk behind his back and chooses not to answer, but his glance at Merle is a couple seconds too long to not be significant. 

Magnus lets out a breath and tells the dwarf, “You’re cleaning that up later.”

They all know Merle isn’t going to do jack shit, but Merle takes his own advice for once and chooses not to fight him on it.

"You only have a couple minutes left," Magnus reminds Taako, busying himself once again with his carving. Surprisingly, it's a duck. "If you do less talking and more thinking, I'm sure it'll go by quicker."

They all know Taako is much better at talking than thinking but, then again, that's how he landed in the dog house in the first place. 

Groaning all the way, Taako flops onto the floor, and contemplates whether pretending to be dead would get him out early. It's never worked before, but one can hope. 

Taako grants them all a few moments of silence, though it definitely doesn't ease Magnus' mind, as a quiet Taako is far more dangerous than a loud one. 

At the most, Magnus can hear Taako stand up again, but that's not much of a concern to him. What's really concerning is the fact that his carving straight up flies out of his hand 

The wooden duck, floating just out of his grasp, has a familiar aura surrounding it. Magnus doesn't have to look at Taako to know he's casting levitate on it. 

"Taako Alexander Taaco, put my duck down right now." Magnus tries his hardest not to smile, not to laugh at this absolute little turd, but it's a herculean task. 

Taako ignores the fact that that's not his middle name either. "Lemme out and I will."

"You'll be out in three more minutes." 

Taako shrugs. "Then the duck’ll be up there three more minutes too."

Magnus crosses his arms. "You're holding my duck hostage?"

"You're holding me hostage!" Taako emphasizes his point by stomping his foot.

"A time out isn't a hostage situation."

"Says you."

Magnus stands and grabs hold of the duck, but once he sets it down on the coffee table, it immediately floats back up, one inch higher than it was before. He considers trying that again, but Taako is nothing if not persistent.

"If you want to keep burning a spell slot, that's fine by me," Magnus says as he sits back down on the couch, arms crossed casually. "Knock yourself out, but you're not going anywhere."

The look on Taako's face makes him want to laugh out loud, how cute he looks with his cheeks puffed and brows furrowed in anger. As much as Magnus wants to laugh, he doesn't because that might just be a little too mean. 

Taako slides back down the wall and settles on the carpet. He crosses his arms with a pout and continues to sulk, but doesn't break his concentration, so the duck continues idly floating above Magnus' head. 

After a few beats of silence, Merle sneaks a peek at the fantasy timer. "Only two minutes left, kiddo. I think you can make it."

Taako grumble something unintelligible before grabbing Chester and playing with his fur. 

Another beat of silence. The only thing that interrupts it is the sound of wood smacking Magnus' skull. 

"What the-" 

Before Magnus even has time to look around for the source of the bump on his head, he finds said source at his feet. His half-finished duck. 

Has Taako seriously resorted to dropping things on his head? Taako's a little demon baby, he shouldn't be surprised, but he can't help but feel a tad frustrated. 

Before Magnus has time to come up with another fake middle name, a soft sniffle interrupts his train of thought. He casts a look over at Taako, knees curled into his chest, a death grip on Chester. He's shaking ever so slightly, and it's pretty clear Taako's malicious act was actually a mere loss of concentration. He's… Is he crying?

"Taako? Taako, what's wrong?"

The poor boy lets out a few pitiful hiccups before murmuring, “Sorry I'm bad, M-Maggie.”

Without so much as a second thought, Magnus reaches for the fantasy timer and cancels the remaining minute. Pick your battles.

Magnus strides over and settles onto his knees in front of the poor blubbering boy. Taako peeks under the brim of his hat, big tear globs threatening to join the ones streaking down his cheeks. 

By the gods, this little boy really does have Magnus wrapped around his finger, doesn’t he? Magnus pushes the thought out of his mind, brushes the tears from Taako’s left cheek with the pad of his thumb and gently shushes his whimpers. 

“Oh Taako, you’re not bad, honey. You just needed time to think about what happened, but you know what? I think you’ve had enough time.”

He opens his arms and hopes Taako will accept the offer. In two seconds flat, Taako’s in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck, clinging to him as if his life depends on it. Magnus returns the hug full-heartedly.

As he relishes the attention and comfort, Taako eyes Merle from across the room. Merle looks up from his reading and, after making eye contact and seeing Plan Gamma has succeeded, gives Taako a thumbs up.

Taako winks back, one of his alligator tears dripping down his cheek as he does. 

Battle won.


End file.
